Happy New Year!!! 

I was supposed to get an EMG but I got a call 49 minutes before the appointment saying the doctor isn’t coming in. So now I’m going into my New Years with like stress, anger, and lack of sleep. I also have more questions than answers about my carpal tunnel and while I’ve waited longer to get answers on things like surgery. I find that having my dominant hand be kind of useless and also going to CCAC and taking some general education classes seems so far away in my reach. 

I try not to lose hope but when you’ve already decided not to go away to college due to overwhelming stress, pain, and distance from all my doctors and any hospital. The idea that even commuting to CCAC seems so daunting. Granted I can walk my worry isn’t that my worry is that I won’t be able to write and even do simple tasks that are necessary to pass a college math class seems impossible. 

I’m not going to sit here and say yeah I expected 2017 to be my year but I thought I wasn’t going to be struggling this badly. But I won’t give up hope to soon but see there’s yet again a 50/50 chance of getting surgery that’s daunting in and of itself. 

So how do I hold my stress from exploding on others? More than often I don’t. I’m no good with stress or depression. While they are always there for me when I don’t want them to be they seem to just show up regardless. But I’ve tried to find outlets like exercising with having a new treadmill and also this blog has been kind of a godsend. Also my dog is really amazing. But even all those together I sometimes still go off on those I love but they understand what I’m feeling and going through. 

It’s already hard enough telling people I’ve had 6 orthopedic surgeries consisting of three knees, both feet, and my hip. Let alone the possibility of a new 7th surgery. Ugh 😞😒. 

But anyway happy new year!!! 

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